A lasting love relationship is like a long-distance journey, but this particular pilgrimage doesn’t come with an atlas or a road-map or even driving directions. So it should be no surprise if a couple occasionally realizes that they may have taken a wrong turn and need to make a course-correction.
Sometimes a breakup is simply a wake-up call that the relationship has taken a dis-satisfactory detour, and it’s time to find the right road again. If you are open to making some changes, you might be able to convert your experience of breaking-up into a catalyst for making-up.
How to Make the Breakup Permanent (The Don’t-Do List)
You’re dealing with the disappointment, disillusionment, and devastation of having been dumped. It’s probably a volatile emotional time for you, but if you’re hoping to turn around the break-up, it’s important for you to proceed with caution.
Negativity from you at this point might serve to “seal the deal” on the breakup, so don’t give in to any impulse to lash out with reactionary responses.
- When your ex airs complaints about you or shares reasons for the breakup, don’t go on the defensive or argue the point. Right now you do need to listen and learn about your Ex’s perspective.
- When you have occasion to interact with your Ex, don’t waste the opportunity by begging, whining, or otherwise smothering them. At this point, needy or negative behavior is likely to repel your Ex further, and this is a time when you are hoping to close the gap between you.
- Don’t set any demands, conditions, or ultimatums for your Ex. You may wish you could move things along and control the situation, but you are not in a position to force the issue. You’re going to have to practice patience and let things run their course.
Recommended Relationship Resources:
We have reviewed several courses/books around repairing relationships and the following are the ones we benefited most from. We hope you it helps!
Using a Breakup as a Catalyst for Change
The single most important thing you can do right now is to listen to what your Ex has said to you, both before and during the breakup.
If you stop to think about it, you probably know a lot of couples who have broken up in the past, but who are still together now. It’s a fact that many breakups turn out to be temporary! Whether yours will be one of those will depend largely on how you handle it.
As uncomfortable as the thought may be, your Ex presumably had a reason for breaking up with you. If you want to turn around this breakup, you’ll need to identify the problems and be open to making changes. Chances are that your Ex is helping you out with that first part by airing some of the reasons for breaking up with you.
Needless to say, it’s unpleasant to hear about the negative aspects of your relationship (and even more so to hear about negative reactions to your habits or personality), but this is precisely the information you need if you are going to make the necessary changes to get the relationship back on the road.
You might even consider suggesting a counselor to facilitate communication between the two of you. A counselor isn’t like a car mechanic who disappears under the hood, fixes a broken mechanism, and hands you back the car keys. Instead, a good counselor will help you (that is, the pair of you) to identify and address the issues that caused the breakdown.
If you can listen to criticism or complaint without argument, and if you can suggest changes and compromises that address the underlying issues, you might be well on your way to reconciling with your Ex and reversing that breakup!